there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
