so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
