Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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