I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
