i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
