So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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