I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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