fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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