I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
