I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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