So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i believe in u and ur pee
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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