i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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