I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
