I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
