I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize