The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize