what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
