I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
