you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
