What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
