She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
