we have pet lesbian snakes
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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