You're completely useless in the revolution.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
