i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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