Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
