once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
