Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
