How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
