As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
