dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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