Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
