is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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