Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize