soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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