he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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