Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
