D3 body, D1 cock
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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