Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
