I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
