ugly people sure do ruin things
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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