This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
