you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
