I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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