my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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