I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
