Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
