The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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