my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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