You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
