The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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