saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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