Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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