My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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