please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
