Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
