Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize