You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
