Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
