The maid of honor just puked.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
