then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
