i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
