my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
