i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
