Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
