My liver just broke up with me...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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