You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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