So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize