You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i came on her dog
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
