"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
