True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize