so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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