I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
