Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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