You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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