You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
