so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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