I just threw up on my dentist
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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