even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
