Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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