she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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