I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
