He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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