you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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