This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
