got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
A+ Viking dick
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
